Operation Adoption

We are back on track once again for adoption.  It's all in God's timing and we are really just trying to listen to His directions for this plan of His. After our first denial, we went through a rough patch at home and pushed away being obedient to God.  This just caused my heart to be in turmoil.  I was hearing all those lies that I was not good enough of a mom to bring another child into this home, that our marriage was not strong enough, and that I am so overwhelmed & stretched beyond my limits to bring more into my life.  I decided to just put adoption out of my mind and live MY life the way I wanted.  Well, that did not work so well and I have once again raised my hands to God and yelled out, "I surrender"! Walking in disobedience to something that God has CLEARLY asked you to do is not fun.  By my actions I was saying that God's not powerful enough to fix all the mistakes I make as a mother, that He could not keep my marriage happy, and that He could not handle more than what He's doing in our lives right now.  I should know better because all the amazing things He has gotten our family through these past 3 years with Autumn that He is capable of doing the impossible.  So, we contacted another agency a week ago and had a phone interview.  We are currently working on our 54 page application & will be attending training classes in 3 weeks.  Once the classes are complete & the application is accepted then we will have our home study done and then can begin the search for our new son.  I'm VERY scared & nervous but I know this is God's calling for our family and He will sustain & provide for us, He ALWAYS has.