Early Christmas

This year Christmas was early for us.  Madison is going with her daddy and Grandma Roxane this year for Christmas weekend (she usually does the weekend before with them).  So, we adjusted our schedules so we could all celebrate Christmas together (good thing we don't do Santa because not sure how we would explain that one).

Tuesday evening my brother's family and my cousin came over to do our Christmas exchange.  I just LOVE being with family on Christmas and enjoy living so close to my brother now that we are able to get together for so many occasions now.

 Wednesday morning was our CHRISTMAS!  We have been doing an Advent devotional with the kids all month long but since ours came early, I got off and we never got fully caught up.  I think they had the point of Christmas down though.  ;)  Gage woke up first and had to wait patiently until his sisters woke up.  I made a big breakfast and then Autumn woke up by the time we were done eating. 

These ended up being Madison's most expensive present since I got her big present on sale.

 Autumn does not care for wrapping paper and refuses to touch it.  When she sees something she likes under the paper though she will actually look at the paper but until then she's not having any of it.  She is the most stubborn child EVER!  My mom thought I was bad, and then we thought Madison was bad but Autumn has us both beat.  Even when she's venturing out of her room in her wheelchair...she will be smiling but as soon as we see her and say something, she turns her head and goes back to her room.  Oh, that child!

 She LOVES book now.  She will sit for awhile just flipping through the pictures but once we sit down to read it to her, she's done.

 Yes, my 12 year old daughter drink coffee and wanted a Keurig for Christmas.  It was either that or pet rats.  We have already done the pet rat thing so that was out of the question.  James and I do NOT drink coffee so I can't believe Madison likes it so much!

 Since Autumn's FAVORITE thing to do is watch TV, we decided she needed a new flat screen TV. She also needed one for safety reasons since she slams her drawers of her dresser when she's in her wheelchair so we got one we could mount on the wall.  The cute thing was as soon as she saw it, she looked at the TV in the livingroom and then back at the box, repeat.  She recognized instantly that it was a TV in that box and I think she liked it.  ;)

 Gage got an ipod for Christmas.  He's been wanting one for 3 years!  As soon as he saw it, he asked if it was real 3 times! 

 He's pretty happy!

 I feel beyond blessed this Christmas with my 3 beautiful children.  I am so proud of each one of them!

Our Christmas day ended by being able to give a Christmas wish to a needy family.  The local Christain radio station does this every year and they go to different locations in the DFW area and have notebooks full of pages of people needing a Christmas wish.  In past years, we select foster children from the Angel tree to buy from but this year I had put off doing anything and when I heard the Christmas wish was in Rockwall, I went to check it out.  I did not know that once you pick the family you want to help, you contact them, find out their needs, and then deliver the presents yourself to them.  I thought this should be our new Christmas tradition because the kids not only get to shop for the family but also get to deliver it and see how they are helping which I think is important for the kids to do at a young age to really understand what it is their doing for others.  So, we picked a single mom of 3 kids who had lost her job and apartment and was living with her sister who has 5 kids.  We bought clothes and toys for her 3 children and her niece who needed some clothes.  We also were able to get the mom a few things for herself.  My SIL helped as well and we loaded up the 4 kids (hers & mine) to deliver the gifts.  It was so fun being able to fill underneath their entire tree and to see my kids helping out.  It makes you remember how many people are struggling and hurting at a time you are rejoicing and have plenty.  I want my kids to be humbled by this experience and understand God has blessed them more than they realize.  We hope you all have a MERYY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Autumn's Christmas School Party

Friday Autumn had her school Christmas party.  I was able to witness Autumn holding a spoon without throwing it to the ground.  She was scooping sequins to put in an ornament. 

This is such a HUGE success for her because she ofcourse HATES to eat and she associates spoons with eating so for her to willingly hold the spoon for a while was great progress for her. 

Here is her teacher giving her some kisses while Autumn gets her ear.

 She likes the large snow globe they have & has to get as close as possible to see it.  I would ask her where's the snow and she would point to it.

 Trying to get her to look at a camera for a picture is IMPOSSIBLE!

 This is a neat chair they use at school for her.  It's the perfect size to fit under the little tables and gets her all the way up to the table so she can play.  It has wheels so they said when she is done with an activity she will push herself away from the table.  If they have the chair locked then she pushes the entire table away when she is finished.  The girl knows what she wants & when she's had enough!

 Notice her focus on the craft...this is another HUGE thing for her as well.

These are the pictures of her making her ornament.  She needed more hand over hand help towards the end when she was losing interest.  It was funny to just watch her hold and examine the spoon closely.  She was also very picky about which substances she wanted in the ornament, she wanted none of the shredded, shiny paper, only a little of the snowflakes, but lots of the colorful sequins.  She had fun pushing the pieces onto the floor when she would miss her target.  I think she did some of it on purpose.  I loved being able to see her in her school environment and enjoying it.

Home Study

We completed the last part of our home study today. I was nervous not knowing what to expect but it was not bad at. First, we had a fire inspector come out to check the house & all was fine. When our caseworker got here we gave her a tour of the house & she checked to make sure meds & cleaning supplies were out of reach, made sure James' gun was locked up & fire extinguishers were available & outlets had safety covers in the boys bedroom. She then had to interview each family member in a separate room. The questions were to get to know us better & hear about our childhood. I was nervous my childhood sounded too perfect because I had hardly anything negative to say but I did manage to remember the time my parents gave away my pony without telling me first & broke my heart. ;) I know, my family is pretty awesome & that was like the worst thing that happened in my childhood. Love you mom & dad! The interview lasted about an hour for each James & I but only about 10 minutes per kid. She said the kids did not rat us out so we should be good. ;) So now we wait. It will take 8-12 weeks to get the home study prepared & then approval for adoption. While we wait, we will need to write a coversheet to sell ourselves to CPS caseworkers so they will want to open our file to choose us.

This is how the process works...once we are approved, our homestudy will be sent out to CPS caseworkers who have cases with boys who fit what we are looking for. The caseworkers will then select 3 families out of all the homestudies they receive. Not clear on how they choose 1 from the 3 but once it gets to that point, they send us the case file of the child. At this point the child has no idea that anyone is interested in adopting him. Once we read the ENTIRE case file of the child's past & present then we decide if we want to adopt the child or not. If yes, then we meet with everyone involved in the process to be approved as the best family fit for the child. We then will have our 3 meetings with the child before he comes home to stay forever. This whole process can take anywhere between 9-24 months depending on the CPS workers. So, another journey in our lives where I have no control & get to trust God through the process.

Why Adoption? Why now?

I know not everyone understands or supports our decision to adopt. I am actually okay with that because I know we have been called & we must be obedient to His call no matter the disapproval we get. I know I touched some on this last year when we first accepted His calling & made the decision to take the leap of faith to adopt but I wanted to share more of my heart about adoption. My journey to adoption began when I was a little girl. I remember hearing about the orphans in Ethiopia & would pray for those children everday at the dinner table. I then watched a documentary on orphans in Romania when I was in the 6th grade & it spoke to my heart. I honestly have the WORST memory & for these things to stand out to me & impact me for SO many years goes to show how the Holy Spirit starts His work. I realized just a few years ago that not everyone's heart responds the same as mine does when they here about orphans & my eyes were opened that adoption is a calling & not for everyone. Just like a teacher feels called to teach students & I have NO desire to be in a classroom for 8 hours a day dealing with other people's children. ;) We all have our unique talents & purpose in life. My purpose is to be a mommy & serve in any way God asks me to. When I hear about an orphan, abused, or neglected child my heart is wrecked. It hits my core & tears me apart. It pains me to know that children ALL over the world are laying there heads down to go to sleep each night without having a mommy or daddy to tuck them in. There are children wondering what their future holds & if they will ever have a family to love them. I cannot imagine what that must feel like. I was extremely blessed that God placed me into a loving home with parents who loved me deeply. I could of been one of those children though and lived life without hope. I don't want to adopt to rescue a child so that I can feel like I saved a life. I want to adopt to give a child hope. To give a child security, safety, love, food, shelter, and most of all a family. I don't want to be thanked or appreciated. I want to just know that one less child is being abused each night & can lay down at night knowing he is safe & being cared for.

Why now though? I know some people are thinking,"They are crazy,they already have so much going on". Believe me, I understand. Some days are overwhelming & how will we manage with a 4th child coming into our home with so much baggage in their life? Well, to that I say God is much larger than an abused child's baggage. He's so much bigger than our crazy, busy life. Circumstances will never be perfect so we just have to take that leap of faith to do this. We understand adoption is not going to be easy because God never promised us an easy life, He promised He will be there with us every step of the way. I pray nightly for our future son & that he is in a safe, loving foster home right now. Knowing he may still be in harms way makes me want this process to go as quickly as possible. I hope this helps some understand more of our decision to adopt but if not it's still okay. G

Home Study-Part 1

Yesterday we had our 4 hour home study interview.  It was pretty basic and easy.  They just ask questions about the child we are willing to accept, marriage, and other family/kid questions.  We actually finished a little early so James and I got to have a sit down lunch at Rosa's Cafe (place we wish SO much from Midland and they have several in the Ft. Worth area).  The kids were excited we brought them some home for dinner.  The 2nd part of our home study is Tuesday.  She will interview us separately and then the kids and look over the house.  Until then, we busy deep cleaning the house, getting our guns/ammo locked up separately, getting a fire inspection, and getting all meds/cleaning supplies put away. We are also having to practice our new parenting techniques since we really have to watch things we say or joke about because of the sensitivity the adopted child may see as a trigger.  For example, James and Gage are always jokingly saying, "I'm gonna spank your hiney" and that is a no-no for an abused, neglected child.  We decided to get them all into practice now so wewon't have any "slips" by the time our new son arrives.  ;)

Gage got his labwork back from the endrocrinologist and now his TSH levels are too low so they moved his dosage down on his medication.  The normal level are somewhere between .6-4.6  Gage was a 5.7 and now down to a .1  This may explain the crankiness and hyperactivity I have been seeing more of the past 2-3 weeks.  The medicine takes about 6 weeks to regulate the thyroid so we will get more bloodwork then and see how the levels look.

Only other things going on here is Christmas preparations which have kept me busy, busy, busy!!!

Doctor Appointments

This week we have 4 doctor appts scheduled...3 for Autumn and 1 for Gage. 

Autumn had a follow-up with neurology to see how she's doing on her new seizure meds.  She's been doing awesome so he was pleased told us to report back in 3 more months.  We also took her to see a gastroenterologist dr since she has never seen one since getting her g-button placed at 11 weeks old and I figured it was time for a larger button.  She had seen a g.i.surgeon for her nissen surgery but no one to follow up with regularly.  We had changed her to a new formula over a month ago and it's been horrible on her tummy.  Lots of vomiting and diarrhea.  We changed formula because she needed more calories but it's not helping and she just can not tolerate more volume that she needed from her old formula.  Well, after talking it over with the dietician and her g.i.dr we decided it would be best to go back to her old formula and just change up her feeding schedule.  So, now we will be feeding her 2.5oz once an hour for 16 hours each day.  Yes, it's more work for us but if this can eliminate the vomiting then that is what we will have to do to get all her calories/water in each day.  We could use a pump but she does even worse with a slow continious feed so the hourly boluses seems to be our best option...we will see.  I LOVED her g.i.dr He walked in apologizing that we had to wait about 10 mins...really?!  He immediately played with Autumn, made personal conversation with us, and was so kind.  He said he likes to take the conservative approach (which is our way of dealing with things) and instead of going up on meds or running all kinds of tests...he said let's do what we know works and stick to that.  My kind of doctor!  We did move her button from a 1.2cm to 1.7cm...yay!  We will follow-up with him every 6 months.  Her last appt of the week was with her ENT.  At first it was going to be an in and out appt since he really can not do anything with her still being on the vent (he's so ready to take her trach out) but then he asked if she needed a hearing test.  Yes, as a matter of fact her school nurse just sent a note home yesterday that she needed to be tested for school records.  So, they sent us to audiology to get tested.  Ofcourse Miss Autumn did not cooperate and would not look the direction the noise was coming from.  She did not fool the dr but without the response they could not pass her.  As soon as I got out my iPad and turned on Elmo however she turned her body in an instant to look...she's such a brat!  They did find out she has fluid in BOTH ears.  Ugh! So, back to see the ENT to discuss our next steps.  Our appt was at 1:30 and here is was 3:00 and waiting once again to see her ENT again.  So, he came in and asked if I wanted to have him put tubes in her ears, do a sedation hearing test, and a routine bronch scope all at once.  I asked if he really felt she needed tubes right now and he said it depends on how long the fluid has been in her ears.  Well, no one knows because we have not had a confirmed ear infection since 2009 and when the drs look in her ears, they look fine.  We know she does not have hearing loss (Elmo proved that) so he decided we can wait 3 months to check her ears again and if there is still fluid then we will schedule the surgeries.  I'm glad to wait until next year because 2011 has been our first ever surgery free year and I'd like to keep it that way.  ;)

Gage had his follow up appt with his endrocrinologist.  It was a frustrating appt because it's about a 45 min drive there, we wait over an hour, and then they asked a couple of questions, measured & weighed him, and then told us we would have to go to LabCorp to get bloodwork done to test his TSH levels.  That was the entire reason for the appt but apparently our insurance won't cover in office bloodwork.  So, we paid $92 and then got to drive back 45 mins and then go to LabCorp to get blood drawn.  He freaked but got lots of fake money at the $1 store to make it all better. ;)  We should get the results next week and see what to do about his medication...they want to see us in 3 months but their office is now going to be out of network so now it looks like I can to find a new endocrin dr...lovely!  I then get home to schedule Autumn's next vent clinic appt and find out our favorite drs have a 3rd dr on staff who will be doing most vent clinic days.  Really?! It so frustrates me because they have seen my baby since she was 11 weeks old and she's a complicated case and I dread having to go through it all again with a new doctor & I trust them 100%...plus, I have no clue if he will gel well with us like the other drs do.  So, I decided to wait to make my appt when one of the other drs are available but it may not happen so I may just have to pout and see the new guy.  Not happy.  Some weeks I just get so frustrated with dealing with medical people and all the changes...makes it more work for me and difficult at times.

On a good note however, we have scheduled our home study for our adoption.  We go in Wednesday to have our 4 hour interview and then the Tuesday following that our caseworker will come to our house to check it out and talk with the kids.  I am SO excited!  It takes about 2 weeks to complete the home study & then we will see if we are accepted and if so....our home study goes out to CPS caseworkers to search for our son!!!  Each step we get closer the more peace I feel.  It's just an awesome feeling when you obey and walk in God's will to feel the peace & calmness He gives you.  It's also comforting to know that one day soon, one more abandoned, neglected little boy will be able to lay his head down at night and not worry about if he will ever have a forever mommy and daddy to love & care for him & now he is safe from harm.  Oh, I can not wait to meet that little boy!

Spina Bifida Occulta

Crazy discovery last night. I visited my grandparents yesterday & my grandmother was telling me about me having to have my urinary tract stretched when I was little (which I never knew about). So, when I got back to my parents house my mom brought me my medical file from my pediatrician. It had all my weights & heights, sicknesses, and then the report from when I was having bladder issues. I had a VCU done when I was 3 years old. I was reading the report and the first line says, "Scout film shows spina bifida occulta of L5" What?! I read my parents the report & they had no clue! There are 3 types of spina bifida: occulta, meningolcele, and myleomenigocele. Most people have no clue they have sb occulta unless they get an x-ray or procedure done at some point in their life & it is discovered. There is a gap in the spine at the level but no nerves are damaged in this type of SB. Autumn has SB myloemenigocele which is the most severe form & the one that does have nerve damage. If you have SB occulta though you are 5-10 times more likely to have a child with SB. If I knew this information, I could of known to take higher doses than normal of folic acid to maybe prevent Autumn's SB BUT I trulyfeel God is control either way & know no matter what I do, His will would be done & believe His will has always been for Autumn to have SB & touch many more lives than she probably would of as a "normal" child. It just blows my mind to think that I have SB as well. Makes me wonder how many SB parents have it as well & even if my others kids may have it? So interesting.

Gage (he seems to have more going on than Autumn these days)

On Thursday, Gage was accidently knocked down at school and fell face first into the cement.  He got a knot and it scraped the skin on his forehead.  Nurse checked him out and he was fine & stayed at school.  Well, that evening he started running fever.  Friday morning he still had a low grade fever so I kept him home.  I was thinking maybe strep again but his throat looked fine and nothing seemed to work.  We cancelled our plans that evening & stayed home.  Saturday he started running a little higher temp but still acted and felt fine.  He would cough a little here and there but nothing major.  Also, at night when most kids run a higher temp..his fever would go away and not return until morning.  We kept him home from the 2nd party his was suppose to attend that weekend.  His temp stayed around 99-100 on Sunday but he really wanted to go to the 3rd party we were suppose to attend that weekend so I decided to go ahead and give him meds & go.  I know, I hate those parents who send their kids to school or places when running a temp but we NEVER get to go out on weekends and Gage was dying to go to the party & it was for one of our friends kids.  So, we went and Gage had a great time.  Jumped in the jumpers and never coughed once.  He felt great but I still made him rest but I did not want him to push it.  That evening I noticed he had these bug bite looking marks around his ankles.  Not sure where those came from & they were not itching him. I also listened to his lungs and checked his throat and they were both clear. So, Monday morning his temp was only 99.0 so I decided to send him to school (he has already missed 3 days this year).  He was complaining EVERYTHING hurt though.  He was fine over the weekend when there was no school but now his arm hurt, his head hurt, his tummy hurt, his foot hurt, it hurt to stretch his arms back, etc.  He went to school anyways and was fine all day.  He came home and I noticed he had bug looking bites all over his legs.  It was strange and he was still running a 99 temp so I told James to take him to CVS minute clinic.  While there James called and asked how long his foot had been swollen.  What?! It has not been but apparently the top was swelling up.  Anyways, CVS said he had bronchitis and needed to be checked out in the ER about his foot and to make sure he did not have pneumonia. James came home, we fed Gage dinner, and then I took him to the ER. I listened to his lungs when he got home and sure enough he was wheezy.  Our experience with Autumn has made us really good at listening to all the different lung sounds. This is the same ER that we took Autumn to & they ran EVERY test possible & wanted to admit her even after finding out she had a UTI & her neuro cleared her of a shunt infection so we had to plea our case to go home. ;) I was nervous to take Gage but figured he would be admitted because his foot looked so bad and was extremely painful to him.  They take us back and I explain everything.  Gage wanted "walking sticks" but they let him ride a wheelchair back.  The dr came in and glanced a his leg (which looked really gross by now).  It was started to whelp up all over both legs.  He was ofcourse concerned about his foot and said it looked like an allergic reaction but wanted to take x-rays to make sure it was not a break.  I told him about the bronchitis but no one even listened to his lungs or did a chest x-ray.  The dr did not even look in his mouth or ears!  They took x-rays of his foot which made him cry.  A nurse came in to give him a steroid for the bronchitis and benedryl for the foot.  I was waiting for the dr. to come in and do his exam and talk about the x-ray but nope.  The nurse came back instead with our discharge papers and prescriptions.  I asked what was the verdict and he said cellulitis and bronchitis.  I had to ask questions for him to explain anything to me or suggestions of home care.  It was crazy!  I'm so use to drs over-reacting to Autumn with her trach/shunt/etc but with Gage they were so laid-back & I had to pry info out of them.  Amazing how different they were treated.  Anyways, instead of insisting more I decided to just go home, give the meds, and see about following up with his pediatrician.  They said he would need to stay home 2 days from school and stay off his foot so the infection would not spread.  So, I have been home with a CRANKY boy!  The foot swelling was gone by Tuesday morning and the meds seem to be working.  I am waiting to take him to his pedi since he's doing well.  Still has a 99 temp every once in awhile but goes away without medicine.  He is resting a lot and using Autumn's chair to get around when she does not need it.  :)  Cellulitis is a bacterial infection that starts from an open wound.  I am thinking he got it from his fall on Thursday at school or from the bug looking bites on his ankle.  He has been coughing a little more and his lungs were crackly last night but sound clear this morning so far so I think it's breaking up & clearing out.  I can hear air passing through the lungs so that is good.  James & I had planned on going a date this week but ofcourse a kid would become sick.  We did manage to go to lunch together yesterday while my SIL watched the kids.  I told James that it's okay, in about 15 years we will be able to date again & I will get to sleep in.  Life with kids is never boring!!!

Halloween Fun (yes, I know I am behind)

Our new Halloween tradition since moving to the Dallas area is to go to Fright Fest at Six Flags in October.  It's so nice to be able to drive right on over to Six Flags after school and come home the same night.  The cousins had a wonderful time as always!

Such beautiful girls, such silly boys

Our church puts on a Fall Festival every year but this is the first time we have gone.  Autumn was sick however so James stayed home while I got to freeze while watching the kids have a blast.  Glad Jen & her kids came along to brave the cold with us. It was a fun time however and the kids each won a goldfish..so we now have 8 animals for mommy to care for.  ;)

One tradition we did away with was carving pumpkins.  The past 2 years we realized Gage breaks out when digging his hands in the pumpkin and I was really just too busy to think about it.  Madison though informed me how her childhood is officially over now that I dropped the tradition....she still doesn't realize I am NOT supermom. haha!

Do you think Gage got enough candy? Our neighbors are generous!

My cute (I mean scary) Frankenstein

My adorable watermelon

(the hat only stayed on for pictures)

She was not thrilled that we go her out of her comfy bed while watching her "soaps" and put on a ridiculously looking outfit that was bulky and then stuck a hat on her head and made her actually leave her room to go our into the dark to see crazy dressed people walking around to ask for yummy candy that she can not even eat. 

We tried taking her in the wheelchair but she only cried so we put her in her stroller and she cried until we laid it back so she could pretend to be asleep & peek only when she felt like it.  She was so mad at us she would not even hold our hands & did not want us to touch her the whole time we took Gage trick-or-treating.  Once home and in front of her TV again the diva was happy!

Madison really did not have a name for her costume but I was able to take a quick picture before she ran off with her friends...apparently we aren't cool enough to trick-or-treat with anymore.  :(

Autumn has been doing AWESOME lately.  School and outpatient therapy has been wonderful for her.  It's a lot of work for the both of us but so worth it.  She is getting therapy 5 days a week and the consistency really is paying off.  We are still waiting to get in for feeding therapy as well (not sure how to fit in our schedule when she does start).  We have LOTS of doctor appts these next 3 months, I think 8 or 9 which makes it difficult on trying to reschedule therapy sessions.

Our adoption is at a stand still right now.  We completed all of our paperwork and just waiting for a caseworker to be assigned to us & schedule our home study.  I'm so ready to get this done so we can get the process moving.  There are several boys I have bookmarked as potential matches for our family and just want to get our son in his forever home asap.  I know it's all in God's timing though and we just pray for each of them every night that God is protecting them and keeping them safe until they are adopted.  November is adoption awareness month so please take time to pray for all the children in foster care or orphanges.  Right now there are 6,000 kids just in Texas who are available for adoption who had been abused or neglected and deserve to be loved by a forever family.

In a week the kids and I will go back home for the holidays. I am super excited to be home for a week to actually have time to visit family & friends whom I miss SO much.  It will be a nice "vacation" for us to get away from our busy daily schedules just to spend time with people we love.

T.G.I.M.....Weekend Woes

Weekends are so rough for me. James works the night shift EVERY weekend & sleeps days. So....the kids & I are pretty much trapped in our house for 2 days with nothing to do. I could attempt to take all 3 kids out but it's too much work to make anything fun. I get exhausted & the kids get frustrated because they either have to help with Autumn or mad that I am distracted by taking care of Autumn so it's best to not even attempt leaving the house. This means for 2 days I am on complete Autumn care except when my night nurses comes in the evening, I have a 12 year old girl whose mood can change with each breath, & then I have a hyper-active 7 year old boy chatting to me all day (while trying to be quiet so daddy can sleep). I use the weekend to start my house cleaning, work on couponing and making my grocery list, & meal planning for the week. I try to spend more time with the kids but also try to make myself relax a little bit & focus on me some. I then torture myself by getting on facebook & seeing all the fun things everyone is doing over the weekend. Some weekends it actually makes me cry because I do miss the days when we could just get up & go. I miss hanging with friends or being able to take the kids to do something fun or even drive them to a friends house to play. The weekend is not all bad though, we get to attend church on Saturday evenings & I do get to spend more time hanging out with my kids (even though it can drive me crazy some days). I hate only getting to see my husband for about 4 hours each day & getting to go on date nights or getting with other couples/families. It's been the hardest part of our move & by Sunday evening I am so ready for Monday. The week brings help so I can leave the house, the kids can go to school & see their friends, & I get to see my SIL & have an actual adult to talk to. James is off so he gets to spend the entire evening with us & then I can have someone to talk to after the kids go to bed. It's sacrifices we made to give Autumn more of the care she deserves. even though it gets tough for me the minute I walk in her room & see her HUGE smile I realize we all do it because God has called us for more in this life. We may miss out on fun weekend gatherings/activities but it does not compare to the lessons God is showing us in being selfless, obedient, & faithful. Each week I start to get wrapped up in the "I wants" or "me" attitude & the weekends give me the reality check for how He wants me to live my life. He wants me to slow down, disconnect from the worldly ways to refocus, spend quality time with my children (not just carting them from place to place), have family worship time, cherish my husband more, and to care for that child who depends on me for her every little need just like I depend on Him. I get frustrated how He chooses to speak to my heart at times but so thankful He loves and cares for me enough to speak to me the way He does. Love my God.

Adoption Training

This week James & I attended our required adoption training.  We really did not know what to expect and I think we thought it would be 3 days of useless information.  We were so wrong!  We first learned about children in foster care.  A little facts for you...Did you know there are 32,474 children in the Texas foster care system? There are over 4,000 children who are free to be adopted in Texas each year and about 3,000 finalized adoptions each year.  All of these children have been abused & neglected & their parents have had their rights taken away.  These are very hurting, lonely, and confused children.  It's not their fault they have been thrown into the system and each and every one of them deserves to belong to a loving home.  We also learned about the adoption process & what to expect and all the steps & paperwork.  The most important things we were taught is how to love & discipline these children.  It takes LOTS of time & patience (which are 2 things I lack most).  We learned about attachment, how a brain works when it's been abused & neglected, and how we are going to have to parent differently.  A child who has been loved & nurtured from day one from their parents grow, attach, socialize, love, & function normally but a child who did not receive the same treatment from birth has to be parented in an entirely different way.  We were taught how to take these children and reprogram their brains to trust, attach, & love again.  It was a very eye-opening lesson for us and taught James and I so much.  We learned about development & different approach to handle acting out and really understanding the why behind the behaviour instead of just focusing on the behaviour. We both agree that EVERY parent needs to take a class like this because it really made us look at our kids differently & realize some things about them.  We already do a lot of the parenting tips they suggest but there was so much more we were missing.  It was worth taking 3 days out of our lives to be educated about these children & I truely believe we will be better parents and a better team from what we learned these past 3 days.  We also got our CPR/first aid certification done which was a good refresher for us since it had been 3 years since our last class.  I also liked the fact I got to spend 3 days alone with my husband which NEVER happens. 

I am so thankful for my team of "helpers" that made these 3 days possible.  My mom came into town to help with the 2 older kids and it's a good thing she did because Gage started running fever the morning of our first training so mom took him to the doctor and he has strep throat...again.  Sheesh! So, he was home Thursday & Friday.  My nurse working overtime to help with Autumn and my sister-in-law gave up her Saturday to take care of Autumn.  There is no way we could do what God has called us to do without the people we have in our lives to help us.  THANK YOU ALL!!!  The training made me super excited about this new journey God has called us on.  You know it's God when you can sit through 3 days of hearing about all the horrible trauma these children have been through & all the hardwork & effort it's going to take on our part to accept another child into our home but all you feel is peace about it all.  I have no doubt that the son God has planned for us is going to give us more than we can ever give to him.

Birthday, Seizure, School, Dr. appts, Paperwork....

September has been a VERY busy month! Autumn turned 3!!! This blows my mind that she is growing up and new things are happening in her life.  For her birthday I decided to invite family to join us in taking Autumn to the aquarium.  She LOVES looking at fish tanks and since she really does not interact much with people I figured this would be better than a party.  It was great! She was engaged the entire time.

 Afterwards, we all came back to my house for pizza, cupcakes, and presents.  Autumn had fallen asleep after the aquarium so she was not too thrilled to be woken up for pictures so we could all enjoy her cupcakes. She had a great birthday party though and we were so blessed that we had family with us to celebrate.

 Gage has been doing awesome in school this year and has not had any issues with attention span or too much goofy off...he actually has all E's and A's so far!  Madison has been extremely busy in middle school.  She's taking 3 out of 4 AP classes so it's been a lot to keep up with.  She has been doing great in Art and Theater as well and got a 100 on her first monologue...wish she would perform it for me but she won't. :(  She's also been busy performing at the 7th grade home football games and walked in the RHS homecoming parade.  She absolutely LOVES middle school and I've been so proud of the young woman she is becoming.

 Autumn aged out of ECI so we had the options of started her in the public school program called PPCD. I was extrememly nervous about it but after all the meetings and evaluations I knew it would be best for her.  She goes on Mon, Wed, & Fridays from 8am-11am with her nurse by her side the entire time.  They work on learning but she also receives OT, PT, and speech services as well.  She's only been twice so far but seems to be doing well with the adjustment.  Her teacher (pictures below) is so sweet and keeps in close contact with me.  Actually, all of Rockwall ISD teachers e-mail parents each week their lesson plans and makes it so easy to communicate & see what your child is learning. 

 We have also been busy getting evaluations done for additional therapy for Autumn.  I thought I was busy before but it's about to get worse.  She will most likely be receiving OT, PT, speech, and feeding therapy twice a week as well as school so our days look like they will be booked.  It's going to be hard on us but we can always cut back if it becomes too much for Autumn.  This week proved to be the hardest for her.  We weaned Autumn off her seizure meds last week in hopes we would never see another seizure or need meds.  Well, Sunday night Autumn had a seizure.  I was crushed because we had seen her personality come back after getting off phenobarb and I really did not want her to go back there.  Thankfully, her neuro does not care for phenobarb and suggested we start her on a different medication.  So, Monday morning she had her 3 year check-up and received her Hep B shot she had missed at birth and her flu vaccine.  Tuesday was a easy day at home but we did get her out for a morning stroll outside.  Wednesday was the first day of school.  Thursday we were in clinics for 6 hours..she had a CT scan, bloodwork, saw her neurosurgeon & neurologist.  Her CT scan looked fine and her neuro decided to start her on a seizure medicine called Keppra.  Friday she had her 2nd day of school but when she returned home she had a 101 fever.  So, now she's sick.  I am pretty sure it's the flu.  She runs fever & has the chills and once the fever goes down she's ok; then it all comes back 3 hours later.  Lungs sound good, no coughing or running nose.  This picture says it all....just think there is no sound followed with that screaming face.  ;)

So, this is where I left off writing my blog when I went to check on Autumn.  Her temp went from 102 to 105.6 in 15 minutes so off to the ER we went.  After IV, fluids, dispository, bloodwork, urinalysis, and chest x-rays they discovered she has an urinary tract infection.  She received IV antibiotics and we were discharged with an antibiotic (but not without having to plea our case first that we will be fine at home & did not want to be admitted & promise to take her to Children's if her temp went high again).  So, we are home sweet home again. 

Okay, back to how busy this month has been....in addition to ALL of that I signed up to be the volunteer coordinator for Gage's class (why I feel the need to add more to my plate is beyond me).  I've also been working on that 54 page application for adoption.  SO MUCH was to be done but all that is left to complete the application is TB tests for all 3 kids & a good health statement from Madison's dr(already got the other 2 kids done).  James & I need to get our fingerprinting done and then the application should be complete. Yay!  We go to training on Thurs, Fri, and Saturday ALL day so my mom is coming into town to help with driving kids around.  My kids are also off Wednesday for fair day so she will be able to join us for a fun day at the Texas State Fair.  ;)  Should be another busy, productive week.

Operation Adoption

We are back on track once again for adoption.  It's all in God's timing and we are really just trying to listen to His directions for this plan of His. After our first denial, we went through a rough patch at home and pushed away being obedient to God.  This just caused my heart to be in turmoil.  I was hearing all those lies that I was not good enough of a mom to bring another child into this home, that our marriage was not strong enough, and that I am so overwhelmed & stretched beyond my limits to bring more into my life.  I decided to just put adoption out of my mind and live MY life the way I wanted.  Well, that did not work so well and I have once again raised my hands to God and yelled out, "I surrender"! Walking in disobedience to something that God has CLEARLY asked you to do is not fun.  By my actions I was saying that God's not powerful enough to fix all the mistakes I make as a mother, that He could not keep my marriage happy, and that He could not handle more than what He's doing in our lives right now.  I should know better because all the amazing things He has gotten our family through these past 3 years with Autumn that He is capable of doing the impossible.  So, we contacted another agency a week ago and had a phone interview.  We are currently working on our 54 page application & will be attending training classes in 3 weeks.  Once the classes are complete & the application is accepted then we will have our home study done and then can begin the search for our new son.  I'm VERY scared & nervous but I know this is God's calling for our family and He will sustain & provide for us, He ALWAYS has. 

Gage's test results

We were scheduled to have a meeting with Gage's dr on Sept.7th to go over his testing results.  Well, earlier this week I received a call from his drs. nurse about his results.  It turns out Gage does NOT have a growth hormone defiency and his adrenal gland is working perfectly as well. So, both glands responded to the meds to way they were suppose to and we were able to cancel our appt because there is no need to talk about growth hormone injection treatment.  Praise the Lord!!!  She did tell us though that Gage's thyroid gland has an issue and his TSH (Thyroid Stimulating Hormone) is too high so he has hypothyroidism.  This can cause lethargy & weight gain along with other issues which he is showing no signs of right now.  They started him on a pill he has to take every morning before breakfast to hopefully regulate his thyroid gland to functioning at normal levels.  In 3 months he will go in to have bloodwork done to test his levels and then we will see what the next step is.  He may be able to get off the meds if his thyroid starts working properly or he may have to be on medication for his entire life.  Both of us would much rather have a pill to take daily than injections.  ;)  I am so glad God gave me that mommy intuition and we did not start him on injections when he was 4 years old as recommended by his first endocrinologist.  He's small because of genetics and not because of medical reasons and we are 100% okay with that.  I was being pushed by 3 pediatricians & 2 endrocrinologists to give my son injections so he can be average height one day.  These injections are said to be safe but are only 20 years old so you really do not know the long term effects it causes.  Also, it's teaching my son that if you don't like the way God created you then you can do something about it.  Autumn can not "cure" her Spina Bifida and she has to accept the fact that God chose for her to different from the other kids just as Gage will (and does so far) accept that he's shorter than his peers and be confident that he was made perfectly in God's eyes.  I was nervous on what we would say to Gage if the tests had come back showing he needed injections to grow...he kept asking me why he had to go through all of this because he was fine not being tall like his friends and wanted to know why I wanted him to grow.  He did not understand the medical reasons even though I tried to explain it so now I am thankful we can tell all his future drs to back off because the testing has been done.  His thyroid issues could also be a factor in his growth so we may actually see him start to grow more once it's functioning properly.  So, we are blessed for Gage to be a 33lb; 39 inch; 7 year old. ;)  Now that the issues with him are done (besides the ADHD stuff but so far he's doing well this year), I can go back to talking about Autumn.

Autumn has turned from a princess to a full-blown diva.  She does run this house and is very opinionated about her likes and dislikes.  She is becoming more and more picky the closer she is getting to 3 and driving her momma crazy.  She only communicates by pulling her speaking valve off (which sometimes causes her to pull her entire trach out with it) when she's not happy.  If she does not like a certain show on or something you are doing...off goes the valve.  She then likes to throw it on the floor or hide it in a drawer/bucket for us to hunt for.  We have lost it in so many places we have gone to but thankfully always find it since it's her only modified one.  Autumn has been busy with evaluations.  She had her school evaluation and her 1st of 3 evaluations for outside therapy.  She's always receives therapy at home but once she turns 3, she will be going to school for 3 hours, 3 days a week and then she will also take her to OT,PT, & speech therapy at Our Children's House at Baylor in Rockwall.  These therapies may be 2-3 times per week.  Yeah, I am not sure how we are going to have time to schedule all of this therapy but guess we will figure that out.  I thought I would be getting some of my life back once she starts school but looks as though I was completely wrong. 

School has been in session for 2 weeks now and I am trying to adjust to the new schedules.  I am overwhelmed from all the planning, driving back & forth to 2 schools, and trying to get stuff done around the house.  I hope it all slows down but I have a feeling it won't.  Right now Gage is doing gymnastics on Mondays but I may be putting him into scouts or something else he enjoys as well that does not call for weekend games.  He really would like to do baseball or soccer but with games being on Saturday mornings it's not possible for me to take the 3 kids since James works weekends.  Anyways, he's doing that and then we have reading daily & then spelling/math homework will start soon.  I set up a new reward system to help with chores and to do good at school, it's working so far! Now that his medical things are decided at least we can have one less thing to think about. Madison is absolutely loving middle school.  She is in drill team so football/basketball games will soon take over our Tuesday evenings.  She's already had a few projects due & she's taking 3 AP classes so we are going to have one busy year of homework.  She also got nominated to take the ACT/SAT for a Duke Talent Search because of her high TAKS scores but we are declining because we doubt she would pass a test given to seniors going into college but the honor of being nominated is an acheivement in itself.  Autumn is still busy with drs/therapists on an almost everyday basis.  So, all of this is why I rarely blog anymore...I can not keep up with it all.  My house gets clean but always look like a mess, the family gets fed but are always still hungry, the bills get paid but continue to come again the next month, the kids get to where they need to be whether by bus, mom taxi, or friends parents, and we are all healthy and blessed even though momma is drained.  :)  Adoption is still on my heart and waiting for God's perfect timing in that situation.  I want to sign up to do animal foster care for our local shelter because caring for animals has been my passion since I was young (that is why we currently own 6 pets) & I really need to have something I love even if my life is hectic & I'm overwhelmed.  I also will be volunteering at both of the kids schools...I love to serve others to help but also because it gives me that since of worth outside of the home.  Being a stay at home mom gets REALLY lonely so being out helping others does good for both parties.  Okay, there is my novel to hold you over for the next time I get a chance to sit down and type.

Gage's testing

Gage survived his tests although it took the best of him.  We arrived at 7am and they put us in a Mavericks room...was very impressed by this hospital which is one we had never been to before.  There was a Wii set up for him to play so immediately he started playing.  The nurse put a numbing patch on his arm before placing the IV.  He got really scared when he saw the needle for the IV and cried a little.  He did not feel it though and was happy to learn that they would not have to stick him anymore.  The nurse took blood and then gave him a medication through his IV. He was not able to play the Wii with his IV in so he watched some Scooby Doo videos. She came back and took blood 30 mins later and then had him swallow 3 tiny pills.  He has never swallowed pills before but did great.  He was getting bored of watching TV so we read books.  She came again in 30 mins & took more blood..waited 30 more minutes and then took blood again.  She then wanted him to swallow 2 capsules.  Really?! He's 7! It took some time (and crying) but he finally got the 2 pills down and was NOT happy and ready to leave the hospital.  The first med had kicked in and he was getting sleepy, cranky, and hungry. I layed down beside him and he went to sleep in less than 5 minutes.  The nurse took blood 3 more times in 30 minute intervals and he slept through it all. ;)  He finally started waking a little when the nurse said she just needed to make sure lab got all they needed and then we would be free to go.  We were released about 1:30pm and Gage was not looking good.  I had to carry him to the car and his lips were white and face completely pale.  He immediately fell back to sleep in the car and every once in awhile would cry out that his stomach hurt.  He had requested Sonic so once we got his food he ate maybe 5 fries and drank a little of his chocolate milk and went back to sleep.  He slept the whole hour car ride home.  Once home he started perking up and went upstairs to play...about 30 minutes later I went looking for him and could not find him and he was not answering when I called his name.  On my 2nd search of the house I found him sitting on the floor in the playroom.  He said he answered me but it looked as though he had been sleeping so I brought him downstairs.  He cried about his belly more but refused to eat or drink anything.  He fell back to sleep from about 5-6:30pm and finally ate and had some energy back to play on the Wii.  It was pitiful to see him that way because he's always so energetic and talkative.  By the next morning he was back to normal Gage! We go in 3 weeks to hear the results.

Gage

I thought I would send an update about Gage.  I took him for an x-ray of his bone age and then we had an appointment with his endocrinologist to talk about it and get bloodwork done to get his growth hormone levels.  Well, the bone age showed his age about 5 instead of 7 which is not too far behind but tells us that he could very well have a growth hormone defiency and that he may not have a delayed growth spurt later in life.  The dr. & I talked about all the issues and I made it very clear to her that we are COMPLETELY fine with his small stature if it's just a genetic issue and not a health issue and that we would only do growth hormone therapy if it's proven to be a health issue and not just a size issue.  Gage is fine with his size and if he wanted to do growth hormones we would consider but he does not.  We feel God made him just the way He intended (just like He made Autumn) & we accept it unless it's causing a health issue for him.  The dr. wanted to get his bloodwork to see what it showed and also wanted to schedule a stimulation test to be done as well.  I was not for the stimulation test since it's an intense test & I did not want to put him through it if it was not needed.  So, we headed out to get his bloodwork done and I was going to wait to schedule the stim test depending on the results from his bloodwork.  Well, the bloodwork showed his growth hormone levels were slightly low but it also showed his cortisol levels were low as well.  So, the dr. said she wants him to have both his pituitary & adrenal glands tested.  So, Monday night we will fast Gage starting at 9pm & Tuesday morning we have to have him at the hospital by 6:30am to start the 4-6 hour test. They will put in an IV and then give him medication to see if his glands respond how they should to the medication.  They will take blood levels every 30 minutes for about 4 hours.  The medication could cause him to become sick to his stomach. ;(  It should take about 2-3 weeks for the results to be ready & then we will meet with the dr. to discuss the results and options for therapy/treatment if needed.  I really hate going through all of this with him but at least we will know for sure if there is any medical issues that need to be addressed.  His last endrocrinologist who wanted to start him on growth hormones never wanted to do any testing which made us so uncomfortable so I'm glad this dr. is pushing for proven medical testing instead of just looking at a growth chart to recommend growth hormone therapy. Please keep Gage in your prayer on Tuesday & I will try my best to update on how it went & results when we get them.

Our Beach Vacation

We had a wonderful vacation in South Padre Island and we were so sad to leave & come back home.

We rented a BEAUTIFUL beach house right on the beach with it's own private pool.

Okay, the pool was SMALL but perfect for the kids to play in while we unloaded or at the house relaxing.

My brother, niece, nephew, and Gage getting into the water the first day. We got there late afternoon so the kids swam while we unloaded. Uncle Chris then took the kids to go for a quick dip in the ocean before frying us up some yummy food for dinner.

The next morning my SIL watched Autumn so the Madison, Gage, James, and I could go horseback riding on the beach.  It was so much fun!

Me on my horse...

it was nice to take them into the water and they even allowed us to do some trotting down the beach.

Family Photo

After our riding adventure we had lunch and then the Reed's (my brother's family), the kids, and I went on a snorkeling adventure while James stayed home with Autumn.  Gage is a fish...he snorkeled the entire 55 minutes and LOVED every second.  I'm so proud he's such a animal lover and water person just like his momma!  Madison was NOT thrilled at all of the thought of snorkeling and could not breathe out of her mouth so she got in for less than 5 minutes and gave up. :(  We only saw 3 types of fish but it was still fun. 

The next day the men went deep sea fishing while Jen & I stayed at the beach house with all the kids.  We decided to spend the morning taking all 5 kids to the beach...it's lots of work taking a trach child in a sand/water filled area.  It took us about an hour to get it all set up and ready to bring Autumn down.

Autumn was in her tent to keep the sand from getting to her.  We attempted the ocean for about 10 minutes.  The waves were so strong we could only put her in her floatie faced away from the ocean at the edge and everytime a wave came in I would have to lift the floatie up with it to prevent the salt water from splashing into her trach.  For extra protection we put a hankercheif around her neck to prevent sand from blowing into her trach as well.  She had fun splashing her hand in the water and then hanging out in her tent reading her book and sunbathing in mommy's lap.  The 2 hours was enough for us to decide she got to experience the beach for the week and could hand inside for the rest of the week. ;) Momma and Aunt Jen were tired! It also did not help that the sand burned my feet as I carried her & her suction machine back to the house...ouch!  . 

We spent the rest of the afternoon resting/playing in the house (I took a nap) until the guys got back from fishing and we all went out to dinner.

The next day everyone but Autumn and I went on a pirate adventure.  I think that was everyone's favorite.  It was a 2 hour adventure on the ship with entertainment, face painting, sword fighting, water gun fight, and loads of fun!  I was sad I missed it but was able to watch of videos from it.

After being pirates all of girls went shopping for a couple of hours. 

James, the 2 kids, and I went out to dinner and then on a dolphin sunset cruise that evening.

 The last full day James went golfing while the rest of us stayed at the beach house to play in the ocean & relax around the house for the day.  We could of had more days like that...it was lovely.  The Reed's went on their dolphin cruise that evening while James went bay fishing and I stayed home with the kids to start packing up to leave in the morning. :(  It was a great vacation & did not want it to end.

Madison & Gage doing photos on the beach

View of the beach line from near our beach house

Looking our from our livingroom in the beach house...BEAUTIFUL!