Wow, 10 years already?! I have to say that when I made the commitment 10 years ago to marry James, I did not realize how much God would bless our lives. I knew we would probably have another kid, maybe adopt, & we would live pretty happy lives. I never imagined the trials we would endure and how much God would bless us for never giving up. The odds were stacked against us even before we got married. I mean, I already had one failed marriage & a daughter I was bringing into the relationship. I remember how hard that first year of adjustment was for James. I already had a year of practice being a wife & 4 years as being a mom. James had to become both overnight. It was hard for him to adjust from being a bachelor & doing/going whenever he wanted to a house full of responsibility. Another odd against us was the fact that James is a police officer. Did you know that statistics say 70-80% of police officers have a failed marriage? After dealing with his job for 10 years, I completely see why. I think police work has changed James a lot. He has seen things that I don't even want to hear about on the news. He has worked the evening or night shift for the entire 10 years of our marriage & I do not even know what it feels like to have him sleep in the same bed with me every night. His schedule causes him to miss lots of the kids activities & does not allow us to be able to spend much time together as well. It's just hard. Our 2nd year of marriage, Gage was born. :) Years 3-5 were pretty smooth sailing, we were just living life & enjoying our family of 4. Toward the end of year 4, we really started praying hard about whether we wanted one more biological kid together or if we wanted to adopt. We finally choose to have more one biological child. I was very hesitant at first because I just had this feeling that maybe this child would have "issues", James reassured me that he would feel honored if God gave us a child with special needs, I however did NOT feel the same way. Sure enough, God rocked our world that 5th year of marriage & I am SO glad He did! God not only used Autumn to grow our relationship with Him but to also strengthen our marriage. We also learned of another odd stacked against us. Did you know statistics show that 85-90% of marriages that have a child with a disability get divorced? Wow! We talked about this as we spent 4 months in the hospital with Autumn, taking turns staying overnight with her. In those 4-5 months in Dallas, we probably spent 3-4 nights away from the hospital together. We knew we had to make an effort to schedule date nights. Year 6 was such a great year. We had all 3 kids home, we were adjusting to our new lives of dealing with nurses invading our home. We felt blessed. It was year 7 that hit us the hardest. We decided to move to the Dallas area & I would have to leave the only town I ever knew & my parents. At first, I was adjusting well but then the stress of life got hard. James went from working evening shifts to deep nights, every weekend. I was left to deal with 3 kids, a house, & all the doctor appointments/therapies/companies for Autumn. It was so hard! James is a really laid back guy & it takes a lot to get him fired up. Well, I can say we actually had our first MAJOR fight where I yelled, he yelled & I loaded up the 2 oldest kids & just drove. The kids had never seen us fight like this before & they were upset. The stress had gotten to us both. We got through that year of adjustment & things got better. So, what did we decide we should do? Adopt. :) Honestly, we had stress in our lives but the spiritual battle we were dealing with was the main issue. I had that uncontrollable tugging at my heart to adopt that I could not push away even though I tried really hard to do so. It's just a unsettling feeling that keeps you awake at night & until you submit to the calling, you don't feel that peace in your heart. So, year 8 we decided to follow God's call to start the adoption process. Now, I am not saying the past 2 years have been all rainbows & butterflies. Satan has tried to do a lot of attacking. We have even let him get to us at times. We haven't been putting our marriage before other things like we should all the time. We took our vacation because we KNEW we NEEDED it! We needed to reconnect & just be husband & wife without kids, doctors, jobs, bills, & all the other stuff in life. Our marriage is NOT perfect, not even close. I can say though, after 10 years & all the odds stacked against us telling us we are more likely than not to divorce, that we are still 100% devoted & in love with each other. I still get angry at James probably once a week but I love that man deeply. He loves me no matter what I throw his way. He puts up with my strong-willed, controlling personality. He is a loyal, devoted, hard-working man. He is committed to me, his step-daughter, his son, & his baby girl. I know he will do the same for "P". Above all that though, James loves God more than us & that is what has kept our marriage going for 10 years & now counting.
Friday, March 8, 2013
Our 10 Year Anniversary
Wow, 10 years already?! I have to say that when I made the commitment 10 years ago to marry James, I did not realize how much God would bless our lives. I knew we would probably have another kid, maybe adopt, & we would live pretty happy lives. I never imagined the trials we would endure and how much God would bless us for never giving up. The odds were stacked against us even before we got married. I mean, I already had one failed marriage & a daughter I was bringing into the relationship. I remember how hard that first year of adjustment was for James. I already had a year of practice being a wife & 4 years as being a mom. James had to become both overnight. It was hard for him to adjust from being a bachelor & doing/going whenever he wanted to a house full of responsibility. Another odd against us was the fact that James is a police officer. Did you know that statistics say 70-80% of police officers have a failed marriage? After dealing with his job for 10 years, I completely see why. I think police work has changed James a lot. He has seen things that I don't even want to hear about on the news. He has worked the evening or night shift for the entire 10 years of our marriage & I do not even know what it feels like to have him sleep in the same bed with me every night. His schedule causes him to miss lots of the kids activities & does not allow us to be able to spend much time together as well. It's just hard. Our 2nd year of marriage, Gage was born. :) Years 3-5 were pretty smooth sailing, we were just living life & enjoying our family of 4. Toward the end of year 4, we really started praying hard about whether we wanted one more biological kid together or if we wanted to adopt. We finally choose to have more one biological child. I was very hesitant at first because I just had this feeling that maybe this child would have "issues", James reassured me that he would feel honored if God gave us a child with special needs, I however did NOT feel the same way. Sure enough, God rocked our world that 5th year of marriage & I am SO glad He did! God not only used Autumn to grow our relationship with Him but to also strengthen our marriage. We also learned of another odd stacked against us. Did you know statistics show that 85-90% of marriages that have a child with a disability get divorced? Wow! We talked about this as we spent 4 months in the hospital with Autumn, taking turns staying overnight with her. In those 4-5 months in Dallas, we probably spent 3-4 nights away from the hospital together. We knew we had to make an effort to schedule date nights. Year 6 was such a great year. We had all 3 kids home, we were adjusting to our new lives of dealing with nurses invading our home. We felt blessed. It was year 7 that hit us the hardest. We decided to move to the Dallas area & I would have to leave the only town I ever knew & my parents. At first, I was adjusting well but then the stress of life got hard. James went from working evening shifts to deep nights, every weekend. I was left to deal with 3 kids, a house, & all the doctor appointments/therapies/companies for Autumn. It was so hard! James is a really laid back guy & it takes a lot to get him fired up. Well, I can say we actually had our first MAJOR fight where I yelled, he yelled & I loaded up the 2 oldest kids & just drove. The kids had never seen us fight like this before & they were upset. The stress had gotten to us both. We got through that year of adjustment & things got better. So, what did we decide we should do? Adopt. :) Honestly, we had stress in our lives but the spiritual battle we were dealing with was the main issue. I had that uncontrollable tugging at my heart to adopt that I could not push away even though I tried really hard to do so. It's just a unsettling feeling that keeps you awake at night & until you submit to the calling, you don't feel that peace in your heart. So, year 8 we decided to follow God's call to start the adoption process. Now, I am not saying the past 2 years have been all rainbows & butterflies. Satan has tried to do a lot of attacking. We have even let him get to us at times. We haven't been putting our marriage before other things like we should all the time. We took our vacation because we KNEW we NEEDED it! We needed to reconnect & just be husband & wife without kids, doctors, jobs, bills, & all the other stuff in life. Our marriage is NOT perfect, not even close. I can say though, after 10 years & all the odds stacked against us telling us we are more likely than not to divorce, that we are still 100% devoted & in love with each other. I still get angry at James probably once a week but I love that man deeply. He loves me no matter what I throw his way. He puts up with my strong-willed, controlling personality. He is a loyal, devoted, hard-working man. He is committed to me, his step-daughter, his son, & his baby girl. I know he will do the same for "P". Above all that though, James loves God more than us & that is what has kept our marriage going for 10 years & now counting.
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