Adoption update

Yes, we finally have a small adoption update.  We were given information on a new boy.  We read over his psychological profile, which really did not give us a whole lot of details, but enough to want to move forward in the process.  Guess what the next step is? WAIT!  They have 3 families picked out so if we get chosen out of the three then we will move to the next step which is receiving his entire case file to learn more about him & decide if we want to continue to move forward. 

It's different this time.  When I saw that photo for the first time on the past boys, I fall in love instantly & can invision him as my son.  I don't have the same feelings with this one.  I am not sure why.  Is it because I am understanding the process now so I am protecting myself from getting emotionally disappointed again?  Is it because he's not the one & so I'm not feeling it?  Is it because he is the one and I am overcome with fear that this actually may happen?  Is it because I've have felt overwhelmed lately with what I already have & I'm not sure if I am ready to follow this calling God laid on our hearts?  So, I've been talking with God all throughout the day.  Begging Him that if this child is not the one He wants for our family or if He knows I am not ready that the CPS caseworker does not choose us.  Asking Him if this is the one that we do get chosen & that He gives me that strength to do this.  I know He can do it, I just have to be willing to accept it.  I do pray this child gets a home soon.  He NEEDS it!  I feel in my heart he will flourish once he has that stability & without a home, he will not get the help & healing he needs from a foster home.  He needs that confirmation that he is in his forever home before he can start that healing process.  So, join me in praying that the perfect family is one of the 3 being looked at right now.

We are in that time of year when dr appts take over our lives.  For 7 weeks straight, I will have gone to 10 dr appts. between Autumn, Gage, Madison, & I.  They exhaust me!  Autumn had vent clinic on Tuesday.  Everything looked great!  I questioned the dr about her Pulmicort inhalant medication she takes at night.  Every single time we give it, she desats on us for the next 10-15 minutes & becomes restless.  He said that should not be happening so he started her on an inhaler medication instead.  I'm excited because instead of a 15 minute breathing treatment she will get 2 puffs of the inhaler through her trach twice a day.  ;)  I also talked with the dr about being frustrated that we can not hear Autumn make sounds.  The issue is that she needs a leak in her trach to be able to hear her when using her speaking valve but she can not have a leak in her trach to be on the vent because the vent alarm will go off all night.  His solution is to do an experiment.  He wants me to one day but in her downsize trach to see if she will make noise with it while using her speaking valve.  If she does, he can then get us a cuffed trach so that during the day we can uncuff the trach to have a leak & at night cuff it to be on the vent.  I cuff trach tube just has a balloon you inflate on the trach to make it bigger or smaller in her airway.  Now, if she does not make noise with the smaller trach, she may have paralyzed vocal cords & if that is so then we will just not be able to hear her speak.  Believe it or not, her vocal cords have never been tested.  I do not think they are paralyzed though because if she has a stuffy nose we can sometimes hear her make an "ah" noise every once in awhile.  I'm going to test her out on Saturday to see what we find out.  :)

Lastly, Autumn has started a new cute thing.  She LOVES to point to letters on a shirt or in a book & have you say them.  If there are 2 of the same letter on the page, she will recognize it & go back & forth pointing to the same letter.  Also, if she points to a letter & you say it but she does not agree that is the letter, she will point at it over & over again until she is convinced it's the correct letter.  She thinks she knows the letters better than us at times.  :)  or maybe she just likes us to say the letter over & over again but the point gets a little harder each time so it makes me think she is not in agreement with me on the letter I am saying.  It's fun to see her discover a new thing & us get a little bit more of a glimpse of her mind working & understanding.