So much to plan......

Last night I became a little overwhelmed with emotion and finally released it all. I have not cried since finding out about Autumn. I have complete peace that she will be fine no matter what disablilities she may have. Around 4am it was time to just let go and cry about all the overwhelming changes that are taking place in our lives and the decisions I have to make. Anyone who knows me knows I am a worrier and I stress very easily. I stress more over the smaller issues in life and not the huge ones. I guess I feel I can still control the smaller issues but I know the big ones will have to be in God's control. I am also a controlling person as well. :) God and I have always had a continuing battle with me trying to let go and let Him. Well, my issues that I am focusing on now is just being scared of being gone for so long. I am blessed that I will be able to live with family where I can feel completely comfortable and relaxed but it still is not my home. I have concerns about what to do with Madison and school. Trying to figure out if she stays here, goes to school where my niece does, or we homeschool. I am looking into all options to know what is going to be best for her and help her. Madison has already taken a complete attachment to her baby sister. She has been doing chores all week to save money to buy clothes and things Autumn needs. They are going to have a very special bond. I am concerned just how her and Gage will adapt to being away from me at times and then with me in a place that is not home for so long. I have concerns for the zoo we have living at our house and what to do with the animals while we are away. My dog Sophie is the main concern because she is my special needs, high maintenance dog. I will post more about her later. I am just saddened by the fact that I know James only has about 3 weeks of time he can take off and knowing he will not be able to be by my side and Autumn's side the whole time. Knowing he will not be there everynight to comfort me when I feeling overwhelmed and helpless. I then have the disappointment that I will have to deliver a baby with a new doctor, new hospital, and then will not be able to bring my baby home for a long time to show off to all of our family here. There is much to prepare for and think about these next few months. I know God will put everything in place and will be there to comfort me when my husband can not but these are all the emotions I am going through as our first step in this journey to having a baby with spina bifida. I wonder what else is in store.