Adoption process is so unpredictable!

I got an e-mail today from our adoption caseworker.  While P's caseworker was getting his file ready to send us she noticed he has a half-sister.  Well, it's CPS policy to have a "separation process" before they can place children into adopted families.  They have to decide if it's best for the siblings to be placed together or separate.  We do know that P & his sister do not know of each other so we pray this will not change his placement with us.  His sister is actually being placed into a home by our same adoption agency so we hope that her family & ours will both agree to establish visits with each other so they can be in contact with each other.  They live about an hour away so it would be something we could do. 

So, right now the program director is off for the next 2 days so when she returns then they will have a meeting to decide what is best for the children.  Everything is at a standstill until the decision is made on how to move forward.  Please be praying for both families & kids involved.

We have been chosen!!!

CPS chose our family for the little boy I blogged about 2 days ago! 

We were home & our home phone rang but called i.d. said it was a 1-800 # so we ignored it.  James left to go pick up dinner & came home to say he also got us a dessert but was waiting until after dinner to give it to me.  We ate.  After dinner, he asked if I was ready for dessert & then said I may get mad for waiting to give it to me.  He then said our caseworker called to say we had been chosen for "P" (that is what I will call him). I immediately did not believe him.  I said she would of called my cell but James showed me it was the same # that tried to call our home phone.  I started freaking out still not believing him & telling him he better not be lying to me.  I searched for my phone & our caseworkers business card.  I called her right away & told her I needed to hear it from her.  She laughed & laughed & confirmed that yes we were chosen.  I cried.  I told her how bad I wanted him.  I have not been able to sleep well since hearing about him.  I've already been looking at names.  I received his picture yesterday & it seems like weeks ago.  I fell instantly in love with his sweet face.  I can not say much about him but I will tell you he is 5 years old but looks like & acts at the developmental age of a 3 year old.  So, I will have a 4 year old who is like a 2 year old & a 5 year old who is like a 3 year old....full hands!

It's not completely set in stone but my heart just feels this is God's will.  We will receive his case files sometime next week.  We review it & write down all the questions we want to ask.  After getting our questions answered then we have 24 hours to wait until we can give the official YES that we want him.  After that, he will get our family photo album & be told about us. We then get to set up plans for visits & placement into our home.  I am pretty sure he will be home by December because his evaluation is due by then so they will probably want him placed so they do not have to wait months for another one to be done.

I just feel so blessed & thankful for God to allow this boy to be part of our family. 

Adoption update

Yesterday afternoon I get a call from our adoption caseworker.  She NEVER calls, always e-mails.  I just knew she was about to tell me that we have been chosen for the little boy I wrote about the other day.  Instead, she started telling me all about a new little boy.  She had me on speaker with another adoption caseworker.  She gave me all the details & wanted to know my opinion.  I asked a few questions & told her why I think he would work well in our family.  She said his evaluation is up in December so they will probably want to move quickly on him & get him placed into his adoptive home by then so that they will not have to wait months for a new evaluation to be done.  So, we are 1 of 3 families being considered.  They think they MAY reach a decision by the end of the week on which family is their 1st choice.  If we are chosen, we will then get his case file to read more about him.  If we are still interested, we say yes & then have to wait 24 hours before we can start the meeting process.  So, once waiting is over...things can actually go pretty quickly when everyone is ready. 

I have that excited feeling with this one.  So, that makes me even more confused but I know God is going to be the one choosing for us anyways so I will get to just sit back & pray until we receive that call.  :)  Both kids are also excited about this new boy as well.  Madison does not get excited about ANY of them so to see her actually like the sound of this one also excites me.  :)  Be praying!

Pumpkin Farm

Last weekend my parents were in town so we all went to the pumpkin farm (minus James since he worked the night before).  They had some goats & longhorns to feed, a hay ride, hot dogs for lunch, & pumpkins everywhere

Autumn was not thrilled mommy made her feed the goat

I think she likes looking at the though

Gage (above) & Madison (below) feeding the longhorns

 

Autumn very first hayride...I was nervous she would be allergic but she did great! 

 

Between these 2 pictures we got everyone looking

 

Trying to get Autumn to sit up & smile by the pumpkins was impossible. 

HAPPY FALL!!!

I was sweating afterwards!  The ground was rocky, hilly, & bumpy so it was not good for a wheelchair.  Either my dad or my brother would help me lift up Autumn in her wheelchair to carry her across the rocks or up & down the hills.   As she gets older, it's going to be more & more difficult to take her to places like this so I'm glad we did it now.  She had such a good time!

Adoption update

Yes, we finally have a small adoption update.  We were given information on a new boy.  We read over his psychological profile, which really did not give us a whole lot of details, but enough to want to move forward in the process.  Guess what the next step is? WAIT!  They have 3 families picked out so if we get chosen out of the three then we will move to the next step which is receiving his entire case file to learn more about him & decide if we want to continue to move forward. 

It's different this time.  When I saw that photo for the first time on the past boys, I fall in love instantly & can invision him as my son.  I don't have the same feelings with this one.  I am not sure why.  Is it because I am understanding the process now so I am protecting myself from getting emotionally disappointed again?  Is it because he's not the one & so I'm not feeling it?  Is it because he is the one and I am overcome with fear that this actually may happen?  Is it because I've have felt overwhelmed lately with what I already have & I'm not sure if I am ready to follow this calling God laid on our hearts?  So, I've been talking with God all throughout the day.  Begging Him that if this child is not the one He wants for our family or if He knows I am not ready that the CPS caseworker does not choose us.  Asking Him if this is the one that we do get chosen & that He gives me that strength to do this.  I know He can do it, I just have to be willing to accept it.  I do pray this child gets a home soon.  He NEEDS it!  I feel in my heart he will flourish once he has that stability & without a home, he will not get the help & healing he needs from a foster home.  He needs that confirmation that he is in his forever home before he can start that healing process.  So, join me in praying that the perfect family is one of the 3 being looked at right now.

We are in that time of year when dr appts take over our lives.  For 7 weeks straight, I will have gone to 10 dr appts. between Autumn, Gage, Madison, & I.  They exhaust me!  Autumn had vent clinic on Tuesday.  Everything looked great!  I questioned the dr about her Pulmicort inhalant medication she takes at night.  Every single time we give it, she desats on us for the next 10-15 minutes & becomes restless.  He said that should not be happening so he started her on an inhaler medication instead.  I'm excited because instead of a 15 minute breathing treatment she will get 2 puffs of the inhaler through her trach twice a day.  ;)  I also talked with the dr about being frustrated that we can not hear Autumn make sounds.  The issue is that she needs a leak in her trach to be able to hear her when using her speaking valve but she can not have a leak in her trach to be on the vent because the vent alarm will go off all night.  His solution is to do an experiment.  He wants me to one day but in her downsize trach to see if she will make noise with it while using her speaking valve.  If she does, he can then get us a cuffed trach so that during the day we can uncuff the trach to have a leak & at night cuff it to be on the vent.  I cuff trach tube just has a balloon you inflate on the trach to make it bigger or smaller in her airway.  Now, if she does not make noise with the smaller trach, she may have paralyzed vocal cords & if that is so then we will just not be able to hear her speak.  Believe it or not, her vocal cords have never been tested.  I do not think they are paralyzed though because if she has a stuffy nose we can sometimes hear her make an "ah" noise every once in awhile.  I'm going to test her out on Saturday to see what we find out.  :)

Lastly, Autumn has started a new cute thing.  She LOVES to point to letters on a shirt or in a book & have you say them.  If there are 2 of the same letter on the page, she will recognize it & go back & forth pointing to the same letter.  Also, if she points to a letter & you say it but she does not agree that is the letter, she will point at it over & over again until she is convinced it's the correct letter.  She thinks she knows the letters better than us at times.  :)  or maybe she just likes us to say the letter over & over again but the point gets a little harder each time so it makes me think she is not in agreement with me on the letter I am saying.  It's fun to see her discover a new thing & us get a little bit more of a glimpse of her mind working & understanding. 

AmTryke

Last school year, Autumn's PT sent home information for us to get Autumn an AmTryke.  It's an adaptive tricycle that uses hand pedals instead of leg pedals.  There is an organization that gives AmTrykes out for free for applicants.  Well, I filled the form out & sent in Autumn's picture.  I received a call a few weeks ago telling me that on October 6th Autumn could go to the Hampton Inn in Mesquite to pick up her new tricycle.  So exciting!

There were quite a few kids there all receiving their new bikes from littles to teenagers.  There are so excited!  The representatives helped us get all fitted.  They even gave Autumn a free helmet which she did not care to wear.  She's not able to do it by herself just yet. There is a handle that sticks out of the bike so has I push her she does the handles & her feet automatically move.  This is going to be a great work out for her legs, arms, & core strength.  There is a strap around her waist but if she does not hang onto the bars, she tips over & the entire bike falls so she has to make sure to actually work to ride.  The best thing for me is that she has no wheels to stop it like in her wheelchair so I have control to push her without her stopping every 5 seconds.  :)  We loaded up the bike when we were done & it felt strange just driving off with the free AmTryke that is not cheap.  They cost between $400-$500.  We wouldn't be able to buy her one without help so it's so nice to be blessed with a tricycle for Autumn.  She deserves it.

Life has been crazy busy as always.  Going to dr. appts every week, therapy, school, etc.  Autumn had a CT scan & Neurosurgery appt last week which showed her shunt is still working & we are good for another year.  This week we get a break from drs but next week she has vent clinic.  I get so worn out this time of year because of all her appts. so I told James that I am finally ready for us to take a vacation for ourselves.  Our 10 year anniversary is in March & we have decided to take a cruise.  Yes, I am scared to death to be in the middle of the ocean while other people take care of Autumn but it's time to trust God.  I'll have to do a lot of planning with my nursing agency, nurses, SIL & brother, & mother to take care of everything so we can leave for about a week but we BOTH need to do this for ourselves.  I'm so excited & just hope I don't let the fear of leaving Autumn take over so we can do this.  :)

There is no adoption updates.  We have not heard a thing for about 2 months now.  We have sent out home studies to over 35 families but not getting much of a response back.  I'm actually at peace about it.  I think the busyness of life has helped take my mind of the process but I have finally come to the understanding that it's going to be in God's perfect timing.  Our son may not be ready for adoption just yet so I'm letting God lead for once.  I don't want to rush into getting a child that is not the right fit for our family & vice versa.  I pray it's sooner than later but God only knows when that time will come.

4 year check-up

Friday I took Autumn for her 4 year check-up.  She weighs 27.6 lbs & 34.5 inches tall.  I got a lecture from the doctor about doing things for Autumn that she can do herself.  Autumn was playing a Mickey Mouse game on the ipad & she grabbed my hand to point to an arrow to make it go to the next page.  One the next page she has to move ducks into a chest with her finger.  She does all 10 ducks by herself & then wants me to push the arrow when done.  The dr. observed this & then fussed me for helping her when she can do it by herself.  My nurse then tells the dr. how I do things all the time for her instead of making her do it.  Apparently I am being manipulated by my 4 year old & had not realized it.  I just have a hard time knowing if it's something she really does not understand or if it's something she is just being stubborn about & does not want to do herself.  So, I got a written note from the doctor saying, "MAKE HER WORK-SHE KNOWS HOW TO DO A LOT" & she even signed it so I can show daddy too who apparently has been manipulated as well.  So, the gig is now up Autumn & your days of being lazy are over! 

Autumn temp has been in the 99's ever since she got sick over a week ago.  I've been slightly worried maybe she was getting a UTI but thought maybe it was just from allergies or something.  The doctor said her left ear is draining so she ordered some drops...that takes care of that problem.  :)  I called the pharmacy to see if they were ready & she did not have our insurance listed yet so the drops were going to be $177...for ear drops! That is crazy!  Thankfully, after insurance it cost us nothing. 

Autumn ended up getting 4 immunizations & a flu shot.  She did not feel a thing until the last one in her right leg & it caused her left leg to fly straight up from the reaction.  She still did not cry but good to see she can feel some deep pain in her right thigh. :)