Hebrews

There are many chapters in Hebrews that I just need to read weekly to keep me going because so much of it talk about perseverance through our journey. Our sermon at church this morning was about how we are all broken people but it's how we deal with the brokenness that can change us and those around us. Everytime I spend some time with "normal" babies I start to feel broken. I sometimes think I do fine as long as I don't go around other babies and that makes me just want to stay home and not get out. In that brokenness I am responding the way Satan would like me to....but I know I need to be around others and I need to rely on God to give me strength to get through those times that I feel broken. Some days I lose focus on God's plans through all of this and I let my own selffishness get in the way. Hebrews 12:3 reminds me to not grow weary and lose heart. I do sometimes question why those who are not Christ followers sometimes seem to not have the problems we Christ-followers have. Why if we are being faithful we have to endure so much? I then though take time to really look into their lives and I see emptiness and hopelessness. I may be broken but I have hope and fullfillment in my life. Things with Autumn may never change on this Earth but she will be perfect in heaven for eternity. I do not have the right to have the perfect life and for all things to go the way I want or feel but I do have the right to decide the way I will respond to those things. I have an obligation as a Christ-follower to show others that my life is not perfect and that I will be attacked by Satan but that I have a Father who loves me and walks with me through all my hardships. Yes, it sucks (sorry mom I used that word)that I have a baby with SB that has a trach and on a vent 24/7 and she's not having a "normal" life and that my life has been turned COMPLETELY upside down. It sucks that I can not take my baby with me wherever I want to go. It sucks that I have to rely on nurses to take care of my baby just so I can leave the house or take a bath. It sucks we can not do all the things we use to do. It sucks we have to drive 6 hours once a month for a week of dr. appts. Lots of things suck about this whole journey we are on BUT God does not promise me a suckfree life. He promises me that He loves me. He promises me that He will sustain me. He promises that there is a purpose for everything. He promises me that one day there will be no more suffering and that as long as I believe in Him and remain faithful to Him I will be with Him for eternity. I'm on this journey that I'm not fond of right now but I am choosing to trust in God every step of the way. I will continue to lose focus and stumble at times but I just have to keep refocusing so I will not grow weary.