Okay, this week I have been asking God how am I going to do this? Being back home with Madison and Gage reminds me of the everday stresses of taking care of the house and kids. Gosh, I feel like I can't handle it now so how am I going to handle it with a special needs baby added to the chaos? I just know that every minute of my day is going to have to be used doing something productive and no more getting to do what I want to do. Honestly, I don't know how it is going to all work out but I know it will have to somehow. My problem is that I am relying on myself and I know that there is no way I can be the mom I need to be, the wife I need to be, and also take care of my own needs on my own. I know I am not capable of giving everyone what they need all the time even though I try. God gets us to a point where we realize that we can't take another breath without Him. Well, I have reached that point. I never thought this would be my life to take care of a special needs child. I am sufficating in all of my thoughts of how?how?how? I just can't stop crying about the fears I am feeling and worrying about tomorrow. Then this week I recieve this verse in the mail from the Stonegate Prayer team:
God, I will release the weight of my burdens and cast them on You, knowing that You will sustain me, I declare, God, that You will not allow the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22
God sends the perfect verse at the perfect time. I don't know how I am going to get through each and everyday but God knows. He will be the one to help me wake every morning and give me the strength to get through each and everyday. I need to remember He wants me to just take one day at a time and to focus on my present and not my future. He is not promising that things will not be difficult but He promises me that He will be there with me every step of the way and that He wants to be the one who carries the burden of tomorrow and my job is to just wake up each morning and to trust in what He is going to accomplish in my life for that day.
I am thankful that God has taken me to a point in my life where I can clearly see now that without Him I would be nothing and that I am only who I am and I am only blessed abundantly because He has chosen to love me and take care of my needs. Thank you Lord for taking my burdens today and sustaining me. I will need you to do the same tomorrow.
1 comment:
Lacy, you are so wise! I was taken to that place this summer! I don't have a special needs baby, but the agency was more than I could handle. And God reminded me that I wasn't supposed to handle it, He was!
There are days that I still resent not getting to be "just" the wife and mom I always dreamed of, but I wouldn't miss getting to see God move the way I have over the past 6 months either. I know you are going to look back in 6 months and say the same thing! If you ever just want to whine about how unfair it is, call me! I often find myself whining about that too! :)
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