Well, today I spent most of the day alone except for when Brooke and Maggie came to visit today. Thanks for the company. Just a reminder that Maggie is Autumn's SB friend. It was sweet seeing them lay next to each other with their shunt scars. Poor girls! :) I took pictures and will try to post them one of these days. :)
So, during the day I sit at the hospital taking care of Autumn when she needs something and then spend the rest of the time playing Brain Age on the DS or watching TV. I have a million things I should be getting done--like making calls for Medicaid and other places but I have no numbers with me and I can only call long distance on my cell phone which hates to stay charged and I really am not suppose to be on my cell but no one has yelled at me yet. Anyways, I don't want to leave the hospital until Autumn falls asleep at night and so by the time I get to my brother's house--I have time to do my laundry, update my blog, check e-mails, pay bills, take a bath, and go to bed. I then get up the next morning to do it all over again and then sometimes I stay at the hospital overnight so that adds me being tired the next full day since Autumn likes to make the pulse ox go off ALL night long and I can't sleep with loud beeping. Anyways, I really don't know why I am even blogging about this--I guess since I have been alone most of the day I need to tell someone about what my days are like.
Anyways, so while I am at the hospital or driving that gives me lots of time to think. One minute I will be thinking how I feel blessed to have a special daughter who is teaching me so much more about my faith in God and that I can do this journey and I am prepared to run this race. The next minute though I am thinking about Madison and Gage at home and how I wish I was there doing my normal life and how I wish I was not going through this right now. It is a continous battle of the mind to stay focused and to keep pressing on. I also think stress is messing me up--I have always been a very organized and well planned person. Now I can not even remember small things I need to get done each day. I also feel horrible because SO many people have been blessing us with different gifts yet I can not remember who I have thanked and who I have missed. I was writing it all down and sending thank you notes but now I can't figure out who received one and who didn't. So, I really hope EVERYONE who has helped us knows how much we appreciate it. I have not forgotten what you have done but just if I sent you a card or not--so some people may get 2 cards from me and some may not get any at all. Sorry! That goes to show that God has sent so many wonderful people in our lives to help in so many different ways that I can't keep up with all the thank you's. The same also goes with phone calls and e-mails--I can't remember who I call back and who I don't. Man, I hope I get things together before I get home. It is just so frustrating to me since I have always been so undercontrol and now I feel like my brain is made of jello. Well, not really even sure if this blog made any sence or had any purpose other than me getting some things out of my head and onto the computer screen. By the way, Autumn is doing okay. No results of the sleep study yet but hopefully it will answer some of the doctors questions. Autumn may move up to 5 bottles a day tomorrow. I will be doing my 24 hour room in starting at 10:00am Friday so pray for me a good night sleep tonight since I did not get one last night and I will not get one tomorrow night. I want all my friends and family to know that I love you all and I can never express to everyone how much our family has felt loved and blessed by you all. Good night!
1 comment:
Lacy: I have been thinking of you and praying for you during your 24 hour "rooming in".
I also prayed today about you regarding something difficult to think about. I am not sure if I know well how to explain what He put on my heart, but I will try.
I was struck by how, with some parents, SB babies aren't even given the opportunity to live outside the womb. Some SB parents who are chosen for this challenging path refuse to accept and love their tiny baby, perhaps viewing the child as a mistake, instead of God's precious, unique creation.
I imagine that you and Jim (just like my husband, Tom and I) couldn't even consider doing anything other than what you are doing, which is giving absolutely everything that you have and everything that you are to love, protect and nurture that blessed little baby who was born with a hole in her back.
I really believe that God is using Autumn's life and your family's challenges to bring glory to Himself and through this, to help others believe and grow in their faith.
Some people, when they experience terrible hardship, can't get beyond asking God, why me, why this? But you GET it, you see it--He does it to bring glory to His name and to build His kingdom.
I am a new Christian--just under three years. Others at our church have helped me discover that I have a gift for evangelism. Your story gives me something very powerful to tell people about, to show them what a profound difference having a relationship with Christ can do for us.
We have friends from church whose 3 year old daughter, Abbey, was diagnosed with leukemia this fall. She is in remission, praise God. If you haven't looked at their blog yet, and have time, I encourage you to do so. www.colbert-family.blogspot.com. God is very clearly using their family's trials to bring glory to Him also.
I found your blog through Aggie--she follows your blog and Colberts.
It is a privelege to pray for Autumn and your family and to witness what God is doing in you and through you.
Your friend in Christ,
Bethany
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