Needing to vent

Okay, so it is 4am and I can't sleep because once again I am frustrated with the hospital and myself. Yesterday we got up to the hospital and Autumn had an IV in. I was NOT happy about it. They decided to go ahead and start her on antibiotics because she had a slight fever yesterday and so they were afraid she may have an infection (they already went through this last week). Anyways, I told them the slight temp was because she had been swaddled and she gets too hot everytime they swaddle her. They just said well it was 100.8 and it has only gone down to 100.6 since taking her blankets off so they wanted to go ahead and put a catheter in her to get a urine culture. So, I did not protest and they did it. So, the temp went away and nothing had grown on the culture overnight but in the morning they still thought they should put an IV in her arm and start her on antibiotics. This made me so mad because here she has to go through the pain of another IV put in and then more antibiotics in her system that she does not even need. I expressed to the charge nurse that I thought it was just because she had been swaddle and she agreed but those doctors have different opinions. This is a new doctor on call this week and I seem to have trouble when new ones come on and only know what it going on with Autumn through notes. Autumn also has a diaper rash so bad that she has missing skin on her bottom and it was bleeding today. She has had this rash for a week now and how she even got one is my question. She should be getting a diaper change at least every 3 hours. The nurse today finally ordered a stronger, prescription cream. I just feel I don't have a say in my daughter's care and it is frustrating. They were also suppose to have a care plan in place so that Autumn would have the same consistent nurses each week but that still has not happened. I am frustrated with myself because I feel like I have not spoken up enough for Autumn. I mentioned to Dr. Adams how Autumn startles really easy and he said it could be from the medication but it also has a lot to do with being messed with constantly by nurses and having so much negative touch. Early on we were told over and over by nurses not to touch her so much because too mush stimulation is stressful to them so I never request to hold her unless I am asked and told it is okay. It is also a big ordeal just to move her to be held and so I did not want to bother. Well, that is going to change. Someone will get to hold her everyday because she needs more positive touch. I feel guilty that I have not opened my eyes to see that I really need to speak up for Autumn and not just do what the nurses and doctors say. She has been through so much pain since the day she was born and it breaks my heart and makes me furious when they do unnecessary procedures on her that cause her even more pain. I want to be able to stand up for Autumn but I also want to have a good working relationship with the doctors as well so I have not said much because I know once you become "a difficult mom" then they really will never listen to you. I just need the confidence to stand up and to find the right way to approach them without getting emotional doing it like I get just typing about it. This looks like a job dad is going to have to do so mommy does not lose her temper and say something that would not show God living inside of me. ;) James is much more cool headed than me--he was not even upset by the whole ordeal and here I am losing sleep over it. Well, I better get to bed. We still have not heard when the surgeries will be.