One of those days.....

Sweet kisses

First time outside


Hiding in the leaves

Outfit from Aunt Shelley

(sorry Bubba-I was forced to put her in it)

One of those day when I wished Autumn was healthy and "normal". Most of the time I stay positive and do fine with knowing that God has a purpose for all we are going through but then there are days like today. I just want to be able to take Autumn everywhere with me--I want to be able to show her off to people but I have to wait for people to come to us to see her instead of us being able to go to them. Today at Madison's V-day party I got jealous of all the moms carrying around the heavy infant carriers with their babies. Instead I had my camera to show people pictures of my cute baby. I hate that Autumn has to lay in bed most of the day because I can't just carry her in one arm while doing chores around the house or can't walk around comforting her when she is fussy. I then feel guilty as a mom knowing I can't do as much with her and think I need to be doing more. I KNOW God is going to heal her brainstem but it will be in His timing and not mine. Right now it is just time to wait and walk in faith each day even on the harder days like today. So, to make myself feel better I decided to take Autumn outside in the backyard--I only had to take the vent, pulse oximeter, and oxygen so going in the backyard wasn't such a hassle. :) We only stayed for about 5 minutes but it was worth getting to be semi-normal for a moment. It was her first time to actually sit in the warm sun and feel the wind on her face--just took us 4.5 months to be able to do it. :) On another note I picked up Autumn's meds today and it was $225.00 for one month of meds and that does not even count her Prevacid that I have to get at another pharmacy. I could not believe it but like everyone says...she's worth it (these are the people who don't have to pay for her). I also figured out that she is going through one can of formula in 2 days--man, that crap is expensive as well--no wonder I wanted to breastfeed. :) No really......she is worth it and we have been blessed by so many people that we are able to afford all her expensive needs.

I hope everyone has a Happy Valentine's Day!