Sunday, May 24, 2009
Honesty
Okay, this blog is my way of updating everyone and journaling my own feelings and life. I try to be an open book and honest so other people can get a glimpse into what it really is like to be a special needs mom. Today is one of those days I feel like I'm having to "mourn". The silly thing is that I am mourning the loss of getting to take the kids to waterparks. It's the small things like this that gets me sad at times. I hate to admit it but the thought actually crossed my mind today on why did we decide to have a third baby? After all we've been through it's me mourning not being able to go to a waterpark this summer to make me think a thought like that?? It's the guilt that Madison and Gage are missing out on fun things like that because James and I are limited to where we can go. They are finally at that age where we could of really enjoyed just the four of us going to a waterpark without me having to sit in the baby pool with Gage while James takes Madison on all the fun rides and then switching so I can go have some fun. I can't even imagine us taking Autumn anywhere that is outdoors for too long since she get hot so easily with the vent. This summer our vacation will consist of the aquarium for a day....Madison still gets to go on vacations with her dad and grandma but Gage has to miss out. Hmmm.....I KNOW Autumn is blessing our lives so much more than having vacation in the summer but there are still times you just have to mourn the loss of something you want for something that is giving your life true meaning and purpose. It's the constant struggle of flesh and spirit. Bottom line....would I change our decision if I had known Autumn was going to be special needs and we would have to sacrifice waterparks?? No way but will I still mourn things that don't come easily for us or that we can no longer do? Probably. At times like this I just have to stay focused on the plan and purpose God has for our family and believe His will is being done in our lives and that our journey is showing His glory to others. I also have to believe that this will not be forever and one day all five of us will splashing at a waterpark together and praising God for His faithfulness to those who love Him.
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3 comments:
As strange as it sounds - this post actually made me smile.
Sometimes people who don't have a special needs child just don't "get it". Yes, we sacrifice our day-to-day lives and routines... but we also sacrifice our vacations, our time alone, our ability to travel, etc etc etc. We would all do it again in a heart beat, but that also doesn't make the yearnings go away completely. It just gives us the ability to put things in persepctive from time to time.
I love your honesty and I hope people who take the time to read your blog also let your words marinate.
(((HUGS))) If you can't go to the waterpark, make the waterpark come to you. Break out the hose, sprinkler, and slip 'n slide! Grab a little baby pool with a couple inches of water and sit in it with Autumn and relax while the older kids get goofy. Just don't forget the camera and make an early morning of it (so the sun's not too bright and the weather isn't too hot). :o)
Great advice Niff.....I'll have to do it this summer and post for all to see how cool our backyard water park can be. ;) Gage did get tons of water toys for his birthday.
I can understand your heart! I think that a lot about our decision to have such a big family. There is a lot we can't do because there are just too many of us. I think about what we could do if it was only the 4 of us. Somedays its heavy on my heart especially when the little kids take up so much energy. Yet like you I know looking back I wouldn't change a thing. Its funny too because I thought the same thing when I looked into a big waterpark around here and realized we just have too many kids who can't swim to take them.
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