Like I don't have a million other things I should be doing than reading my own thoughts over the past 9 months but that is what I spent the day doing. I'm glad I did though because I think it gave me insight on what God has been doing in my life these past 9 months and strength and hope on what He wants to do in my life from this point on.
Reading the days of planning Autumn's birth after finding out about her defect showed me how God answered all the prayers of worry I had. Worries of finances, what to do with the kids and animals, and worries about Autumn. Yes, NOTHING went as planned and EVERYTHING turned out worse than I thought it would but it showed me God's faithfulness through it all. He provided the money and still is providing, I couldn't comprehend my kids living without me for a month yet they managed for 5 months (God was there to provide and comfort them), and the animals found homes as well even though some turned out not so good. Poor Sophie.
I can see the concerns I had about being a mother of 3 and how God has shown me that I am a good mother and I can do this complicated job He has called me to do--shoot I was scared to death to have 3 kids and now I have one that is as special needs as they come (almost) and I am doing it daily and with much more patience with ALL of my children than I ever had before. He answered my prayers of wanting everything to be okay with Autumn's bladder so I would not have to cath even though that would be much easier than the whole trach thing now but He knew I asked and He answered. He has strengthened my relationship with my husband and our communication is much better since we are now always having to work as a team to transport Autumn around. I also appreciate the little things in life much more than I ever did before.
I had to stop reading though when I got to the day we decided she needed the trach. It brought back too many bad memories and the feelings I had then are still so fresh in my mind that when I re-read it I can still feel what I was going through then, BUT now I have HOPE. Seeing what He has already gotten us through that we did not plan to go through and knowing that He continues to get us through each day we are going through now. It gives me goosebumps when I think about in a year, 2, or how long He chooses I will be re-reading these posts again and see how He continues to be faithful in our lives and got us through the trials we thought we would never overcome. One day Autumn will be healed from being on this vent and trach and these days will be in the past and we will have grown and learned so much more about our Heavenly Father and the blessings He gives to His children. HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD!!!
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