no meeting

We were not able to have our meeting today so we will be having it one day next week. Autumn is still completely out of it so nothing new with her.

James and I were going to take a CPR class today but the class had been moved so we are going to try to get it in next week. We just hung out at the hospital today and spent time together which was nice since it will probably our last time alone for awhile.

We received an exciting call from the 200 club of Midland and they have received donations of $1,200 for us which always touches our hearts when strangers want to help us out. James' sister also sent an e-mail out at her work and there are more people who are wanting to help us out financially. God continues to take care of us. James has used up all of his time so anytime he has to take off now he will not get paid for it so these donations are going to really help us out when those times come.

We did some research today at the library on tracheostomies and feel a little overwhelmed that our lives are going to be changed drastically if that is the route we have to go. I'm still in this fog that I can't believe this is my new life now. I will be here at my brother's house doing normal activities and then stop and realize I have a newborn baby laying in ICU and it still seems so unreal. Also knowing what it will take if she gets a tracheostomy just has me thinking this can't be happening to us--I can't imagine what it will be like having a nurse in our home 8-16 hours a day helping take care of our daughter or what it is going to be like to have to get rid of our animals or what kind of life Madison and Gage will be living from now on. I wonder about if we will ever get to take vacations anymore or how I am going to just do the everday things like going grocery shopping. I know millions of people have special needs kids and they cope and they are still able to have lives but for me just learning it all and trying to adjust to it all has me thinking about it non-stop. I know I just need to take one day at a time but I have one of those minds that want to figure it out now and God is still working on me about that. I have prayed and given Autumn into His hands and I KNOW he will take care of her and us but I still struggle with asking God how it is going to work? I have learned to stop asking why so now God is trying to teach me how to stop asking him how. I know He wants me to just trust His work and do whatever He has given me to do without complaining or worrying about it. Boy, this is going to be a hard lesson for me to learn and I am sure I will argue and fight with Him about it the whole way through but in the end He will make a better person out of me. I still thank you Lord for everything you have given me and for always wanting to show me more of you-I feel so loved by You.

www.autumn.haleydean.com