Tired of...

going to the hospital to just stand and watch my daughter lay there and not being able to pick her up and hold her.

knowing Autumn is mine but not feeling like it because bonding does not come easily when you have only been able to hold your daugther for about 30 minutes of the 16 days she's been born.

crying to God every night to give us the miracle that Autumn can breathe without problems and we can go home.

laying in bed by myself everynight feeling depressed and lonely.

the drive back and forth to and from the hospital everyday.

not being able to see Madison and Gage everyday.

of feeling like a useless mother because I am not home taking care of Madison and Gage and here there is nothing I can do for Autumn but watch her sleep and cry.

spending money on meal cards, parking, airplane tickets, and gas.

pumping every 4 hours around the clock.

looking at all the baby clothes I have for Autumn to wear and not knowing when she will be able to wear them or if she will have already outgrown some of them by the time she gets to wear them.

not knowing...about everything.

people feeling sorry for us...I hate feeling pitied. Even though I am depressed and tired of this journey--God gave this to us so please don't feel sorry that God wants to mature us so that He will be glorified through what we are going through.

talking to people and explaining every detail over and over again---not to offend anyone but I am thankful everyone is concerned and has been praying around the clock for our Autumn and everyone just wants to show us they love us but emotionally I am tired to talking.

being an emotional rollercoaster having one good day and the next just wanting to sleep and not talk to anyone.

hearing all the sad stories of all the babies at Children's and then wondering why I am feeling depressed because we have it so much better than most of the people up there.

I just needed to express feelings I am going through on this journey but I also know I have a mighty God that is taking care of us and one day this will all be behind us--just wish that day will come sooner than later. Please continue to pray for our whole family--we really need it!!!