Painful day

I got at the hospital about 11am this morning and Autumn was resting peacefully. She was wide awake though by noon and stayed awake for an hour and I just talked to her and sang to her. I went to eat my lunch and pump and came back to the room around 2pm. Well, she was wide awake again but then she started desating (going down on her respiration) like every 2 minutes but not real low. They did not know why she kept going down on her breathing. Finally they decided to move her from laying on her back to her side and swaddled her and she stopped desating. My cousin Robin came to visit and then she started it again but this time she would try to cry and whincing her face up. This kept continuing so they started giving her Morphine to help ease her pain. Later Aunt Jen even came to visit and by this time they had given her Morphine like 3 times but she still seemed like she was in pain and her blood pressure was high. So, they gave her medicine to bring her blood pressure down which worked but the pain still is not easing up. She had been awake from 2pm today and was still awake when I left at 11pm. She just can not get any rest because she is hurting so badly. They turned her fentyl drip down before I left and was going to start the methanol (sp) so maybe that will help her more--they even discussed maybe trying to give her some valium as well. She was still desating some when I left but not often and did not go down very much and would come back up on her own. It breaks my heart to see her in pain and there is nothing I could do to help. I wanted so badly to just pick her up and comfort her. All I could do is try and hold her little hands so she was not grab the vent tube--I tried singing and rubbing her head but nothing seemed to comfort her. I was debating if I should stay over night or not but could not stand seeing her all night in pain like that with nothing I could do to help so since her desats were less frequent I decided to head home. This is when I really want James to be here because he can be there trying to soothe her because it is hard for me to do when I can't hold her--so frustrating. He is having a hard time being gone so please keep him in your prayers that he makes it through one more night of working and that next week he can make it through his 8 days of working without a day off. I pray tonight Autumn will finally get pain relief and can get some rest.