Recovering from surgery

Autumn did great during her surgery and is now recovering peacefully. She had blown another vein this morning so they had to put an IV in her foot for the surgery. They said she only lost about 1 cc of blood. They cut a c-shape on the top left side of her head for the shunt. Thankfully she really does not have hair on the top of her head and only the back so they did not have to shave her hair off. They also had to cut her kind of under the left ear to run the tube and then another cut on her belly just above her belly button. You can see the tube under the skin where it runs from the head to the belly. She looks so pitiful. I took pictures but forgot them at the hospital so it may be a couple of days before they are posted. She has bruises all down her arms from all the IV's and she is just laying there drugged up and on the ventilator. She opened one eye and did squeeze my finger after she got out of surgery. They said this surgery is much more painful than the spine surgery so they are probably going to keep her comfortable and drugged up for awhile. They also took off some of the dead skin from her spine surgery and it is looks like it is healing well. She was finally laying on her side today so we got to see her belly for the first time and they will be keeping her on her right side since the shunt is on the left. I met the neurosurgeon for the first time today and he was very nice. He said it would be a couple of days or so before we know if the surgery helps with the apnea and if we will have to do more surgeries or not. I just pray we do not have to put her through another surgery since she is a week old today and has already had 2 surgeries (more than I have had). It was hard for me today sending her away into surgery because you never know what complications there may be and if it will be the last time you will see your child. I cried about 3 days after we found out Autumn had spina bifida and today was the first time I have cried again about Autumn and her health. I already want this to be over and not have to deal with seeing her go through surgeries but it is a fact that it is not going away and I will have to continue to deal with her medical issues. I look up to every parent who has a special needs child because they have a reality they have to face everyday and they can't just "fix" or change things but have no choice but deal with what they have been entrusted with by God. I am so thankful I have James to walk with me through all of this. He has been completely wonderful through all of this and some days I just don't want to make another trip to the hospital but James does not ever want to leave Autumn's side. She is going to be such a daddy's girl. Before surgery I gave her a kiss and told her I loved her and then James walked over to talk to her and she opened her eyes for him. They are already building a special bond. I've realized it has been hard for me to try to bond with her so far because I have not gotten to hold her or really spend much time with her--she really does not feel like mine just yet but I know that will change once we get to touch and hold her. The doctors even told James this would be a good time to leave the hospital for the night and get rest since she will just be laying there but he refuses to leave Autumn's side because he does not want to miss anything they may say or do to her. What a wonderful daddy--I just love him so much but I do miss him being home with me also.